On the tip of my nose. (by gummygumzyumz)

Let’s take a moment to appreciate this cup.

When I was in the hospital, they shaved part of my head to get the glass out of my scalp.  Now, sometimes when I wake up some of the short pieces look like this.  Also, now I know how much my hair grows in six weeks.

Loretta Ladybutt (Ryan) and I at the charity drag show last night.

 I crimped my hair and wanted it to show in the picture so I leaned my head that way and now we have a quirky little shape going on there.  I love him her!

Backstage at the Condom Fashion Show.  Clearly enjoying Molly rubbing on my latex feathers.

(Source: eyeyei)

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT 

Rape survivors share painful stories at MSU

She was just 16 when she lied to her parents, snuck off with her friends for a night of camping and drinking, and ended up in an older guy’s truck, where he raped her. “We were friends,” she said, fighting back tears. “I kept saying, ‘I don’t want to, I don’t think we should go that far.’” After the rape, he went back to the campfire and told everyone they’d had sex. At school, everyone called her a slut and made jokes about her. Her prom date canceled. “He was praised,” she said of her rapist, “and I was ostracized.” The now college-age woman was one of a dozen people who shared first-hand stories of sexual assault at an open forum Thursday night at Montana State University.

It was part of the annual Take Back the Night events, designed to break silence about sexual assault and create a safe place where survivors could tell their stories. About 50 people attended, including several teenage girls from Bozeman High School, where, a counselor said, “We hear stories like this.” Alanna Sherstad, coordinator of MSU’s VOICE Center, which offers support and counseling for sexual assault survivors and education across campus, asked that speakers’ names not be printed to protect their privacy.

MSU and the Bozeman community were shocked last month when two women reported they had been raped in separate attacks by a shaggy-haired stranger on the south side of town. Thursday’s forum shed no new light on those unsolved crimes, but it did underline the fact that it’s more common for women to be assaulted by someone they know, often a friend or family member.

One woman volunteer at Haven, Bozeman’s domestic violence shelter, said her mother had been molested and tortured as a child by an uncle, and then wasn’t believed when she tried to tell her own mother. She grew up, became a mother and an addict, and then let the same uncle babysit for her own children. The woman volunteer said she was 6 when her abuse started, and it was three years before they were rescued from that “living hell.” But thanks to Haven, the woman said, she has started to “heal those deep-seated wounds.” She said she is learning to break the cycle, love herself, and find pride, hope and the courage to change.

Another young woman told of a night in high school when she had a fight at home, went to the house of a friend of a friend, and there a guy jumped her. “I froze,” she said. “Part of me died that night. “I feel tainted, dirty, worthless, unlovable,” she said, fighting tears. It was years before she could talk with a therapist and start to feel better. “I’ve come to realize I’m not the one who should feel ashamed,” she said. “Silence gives power to the man who hurt me. Now that I am talking, I feel a lot lighter.”

Alex Housel, a sophomore film student and volunteer advocate at the VOICE Center, said the reason so many rapes go unreported nationally is fear, often not fear of the rapist, so much as fear of what peers will think and the cruel things they will say. Hannah Stark, a senior psychology student and volunteer advocate, thanked everyone who spoke and showed support for sexual assault survivors. “We are so inspired by your strength,” Stark said.

So that’s me.

I wasn’t thinking that any pain would come from this, but some has.  I visited my sister today and she said that our father referred to me being on the front page of the paper for some kind of, “Feminazi” thing.  

He attended this event with me last year.

So much has changed between him and I.  I don’t understand it.  Is it just that he is becoming old and cranky?  He’s only 65.  He is a feminist.  He believes in equality.  But he doesn’t give a shit about being politically correct.  While I don’t think he says or does things with intent to offend or hurt people, he certainly doesn’t take precautions to avoid it when asserting his opinions.

“Feminazi” is offensive not only because it pairs feminism with something negative, but because it trivializes the Holocaust.  I hate it when I hear someone referring to another person who is giving them a hard time as, “being a Nazi”.  Unless one is killing (or desiring to kill) people who are Jewish, they’re not a Nazi.  People use, “rape” and many other words in this way, too.  i.e., “That test totally raped me” - no, it didn’t…

Mostly it was just hurtful that he interpreted this event as something that a select group of people care about.  This isn’t political, this isn’t religious.  This event?  This event is about right and wrong.

I am also fairly sure that while attending this event with me last year, my Dad read the accompanying text with my portraits taken for the FACES project.  To see them and read some of the accompanying text, here is LINK 1 and LINK 2.  If he did read it, then he knows.  Then he knows that I am a survivor of sexual assault.  I hope with everything I have that I am wrong, and that he did not in fact read it.  That he does not know.  Because you’d think, even lost in a cloud of ignorance, that reading your own daughter’s affirmation would change things.  You’d think.  You’d hope.

Anyways.  I’m going to try and not think about it.  Just had to write something down, somewhere.

P.S. I write a haiku every day and post it on this blog where I write things .  I’ll copy the one I wrote for yesterday, though, as it applies to this photograph so much:

listen, speak, march, rock

all surviving, some thriving

we take back the night

Now,

the butterflies,

because they’re big,

sail boats

and use their wings

for more than show.

Artist: Sean of Tattoo Alley in Bozeman, Montana.

From one of my favorite books, Tiger Flower, written by Robert Vavra, and illustrated by Fleur Cowles.

Brown Hat - April 10th, 2010 (by gummygumzyumz)

Two years ago today.

eyeyei:

Taken with instagram

HEY HEY CELEBRATING BUNNY DAY!

Today I had a painting party with Emily and Molly.  Originally this party was going to involve wine, but I can’t drink on oxycontin and at the time candy seemed like a very good replacement.  Several hours later, I am experiencing a pretty awful sugar crash but whatever.  THAT’S HOW I LIVE MY LIFE YOU SEE - ON THE EDGE - EATING TOO MUCH SUGAR AND TAKING THE RISK THAT IT WILL CAUSE ME DISCOMFORT LATER.  

When I am with any of my really good friends I feel safe, I feel like things will always work themselves out, like I don’t need anything more than this, like what I have is more than enough.  The love and care we have for one another is enormous.

Since I’m not religious, for myself I hereby rename Easter, “BUNNY DAY”.  Happy Bunny Day, everyone!

And remember, if you’re not sinning, Jesus died for nothing.

Pastel (by gummygumzyumz)

Two years ago today.

Awkward Photo Monday

I think I was in that, “WHAT? I’M NOT THE BABY ANYMORE?” anxious, limelight-stealing phase.

Also, fun fact: I had blue eyes until kindergarten.